Tag Archives: tools

The correct tools

As every proper German knows, it is vitally important to use the correct tool for each and every task. Using the wrong or inappropriate tool will result in head shaking, tutting and possibly even intervention with a lecture aimed at saving you from further embarassment. This is very difficult for Irish people to understand since we were always poor as shit and probably never had the proper tool in the first place. Ask any Irish person what the first tool they used as a child was and they will tell you a hammer -probably for opening walnuts at halloween. I thought walnuts were flat until I was eleven.

Germans probably don’t really consider a hammer to be a tool. If it wouldn’t be considered as less than macho I am sure it would be redesigned: the perfect German hammer would have a laser and crosshairs to aim exactly at the right spot, a guide to make sure it follows the correct path and markings on the guide to ensure it is lifted to the correct height.

How did german cavemen survive without a  lathe for making spears? I don’t think there is even a word for “bodge” in German.